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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Cellphony of complaints

Over the last few weeks, I went through a difficult transition from a dead Iphone to an alive Nokia N8 (I bought it from a good friend of mine). Below is the brief story of my pain and suffering, in letters.

Letter 1.
Dear Friend,
You are a cell phone guru - could you generously share your deep wisdom with me?
After a long and difficult illness my Iphone finally pushed the daisies. It wasn't such a bad box of chips but I've never become a big fruit fan and I am ready to try something new. Particularly I wonder about cell phone that make better videos - as you know I am making lots of ski videos and I need all I can squeeze out of a camera.
Any ideas?
Your humble friend.

Letter 2.
Dear Friend,
Half price sounds like a great deal! I just checked video comparisons with Iphone and Samsung - Nokia has a better video indeed. Like you said, a camera that can make phone calls. The only thing that bothers me is the interface. I read very mixed reviews and lots of complaints. You know how I hate reading ever dyslexic manuals by consumer electronics engineers.
Your illiterate friend.

Letter 3.
Dear Friend,
I'll follow your advice then. Looking forward for receiving the phone.
Your grateful friend.

Letter 4.
Dear Friend,
I just opened the package and turned the phone on, babbling with excitement. Unfortunately, the latter withered like an old man's manhood. It seemed to me as if somebody just took a 1980's phone menu and copied and pasted it on a 2011 high resolution touch screen. It's like hiring Claudia Schiffer to clean a bathroom. I actually had to enter data using t9 keyboard. Am I missing something?
Your confused friend.

Letter 5.
Dear Friend,
Thank you very much for your great advice. I just installed the upgrade your recommended - by the way, who came up with a name Symbien Belle for a phone OS?! It works just a bit worse than Iphone1 menu, so it's more or less possible to operate. And, as you said, Opera browser is very fast. And it's so nice to have a fully unlocked phone. I can now transfer files to and from the computer. Oh, and I just took some videos - the camera is excellent, indeed. And it took me only few seconds to figure out how it works! Yippi-Hurrah!
Your happy friend.

Letter 6.
Dear Friend,
I hate being such a nuisance. But I am really confused. Why is the touch screen keyboard so difficult to operate? I just turned my old Iphone on to check it. I type exactly 2.5 times faster on Iphone than on Nokia. Was the phone designed for children? My fingers don't fit. Also, the buttons seemed to be positioned in wrong places. Oh, and I don't know how to turn the sound off.
Your less happy friend.

Letter 7.
Dear Friend,
You are absolutely correct, Palm keyboard was even worse. But I am not sure what it has to do with the post-Iphone era, year 2012? Also, as I was using phone/SMS functions, I realized that for the every intuitive operation I had to do in Iphone, I needed to do three less intuitive operations in Nokia. I actually spent a while reading manual. By the way, thank you for the sound ring explanation. Now, I know that turning sound off is called switching profile. Oh, well, I guess it's life. On the other hand, as you suggested, I just downloaded 4GB of free maps - it is indeed a nice feature.
Your hesitating on a brink friend.

Letter 8.
Dear Friend,
I just spent 20 min at a gas station in Rutland, VT having an intensive S&M relationship with the Google maps app on the phone. Yes, I know that Google maps have nothing to do with Nokia. Still this software works brilliantly on computer, Iphone and Android. So, why does it love me so painfully on Nokia? I wanted to see if there was a Costco store next to me, so I opened the app, waited for it to determine the location (Rutland, VT), then entered Costco. The phone happily recommended me Costco in London, UK. I tried again, checked location (still Rutland), tried two different search windows, I was still recommended London branch. Is London Costco so much better than its American brethren? Should I seriously consider flying to London to visit the store? Anyway, I entered Costco, Rutland VT, to see what happens. The phone happily suggested that I go to PA. Why PA? Why not? I could always visit Fallingwater. I opened Nokia maps and found myself to be in Washington, DC. I panicked and quickly looked around me - it didn't look like the Den of Corruption and Iniquity. It still looked like Rutland VT. I gave up and asked a gas station clerk. He functioned better than Nokia.
Your decisively unhappy friend.

Letter 9.
Dear Friend,
Following your suggestion, I reset all the settings, power recycled the phone, reinstalled Google maps and it worked! Hurrah. Now I know where the nearest Walmart is. By the way, the phone completely discharged in less than two hours, because I didn't turn off... Google Maps. And USB-microUSB charger doesn't work in the car or from the wall, it only works from the computer. So, I can't really charge the phone till I get home.
Your almost resigned friend.

Letter 10,
Dear Friend,
Whatever.
Me.